


Cusp of Adultery

by graspthesanity



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Aging and parenting, Kids, M/M, Parents at a youngish age
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-09
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2020-06-25 10:23:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19743754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/graspthesanity/pseuds/graspthesanity
Summary: As Kylo's relationship with Rey falls apart, he ponders on the passage of time. A chance meeting with Hux reminds him that not all bodies stay buried.





	Cusp of Adultery

We spin at a rapid speed all of our lives, knocking other people down like other children who had bullied us, and then we would give them a bloody nose, we would get scolded, but we'd keep spinning and eventually slow down whenever we feel closer to someone, when we can reveal everything underneath the rough petals, slowly peel them off one by one to expose our nude bodies to sunlight for the first time. 

Maybe that's when we burn. 

Maybe that's when we lose our backbone. When we fall in love, that's when we stop spinning at that speed of light and we look around. Because we have no recollections of anything.

I throw water on my face and I would've counted my wrinkles on my forehead, frowning at my sudden decline in staying youthful. But that was that... wasn't it? I couldn't help but pull my skin, wondering what would've happened if I had managed to trim a bit off, destroying the idea of ageing gracefully in some cultures and just highlighting everyone's fear of death. 

When one starts spinning again, they're left alone with your pieces and fear, wondering what had been done to be left alone, what was said wrong, because surely the missing one isn't at fault. 

I rolled on the bed until I fell off it in my sleep, looking at the bare ceiling, before closing my eyes and sleeping on said floor, as if it were something intimate for me or that I've missed. 

Nothing. Nothing to tell. Nothing to spin. 

“Kylo... You fell off the bed again”, my wife said softly and I opened my eyes, Rey trying to shield all of her concern from me, because it was as if it was my first time going to first grade instead of our son's. I kept trying to close my eyes and curl up on the floor, but instead she would softly nudge me until a proper push was done and I had to sit up. 

I want to divorce you. This isn't working out. 

Was uttered it from of our mouths a few times, on both ends of the table when there would be no one else present, when the kid was at my parents' house. But everyone would've scolded us for marrying so early and because of a faulty condom. I don't know what possessed each of us to try and raise a child, mostly Rey was excited but to this day I feel a thin veil of doubt even when holding my son. What if it would've been better... if nothing had happened that night? 

Memories get erased, even songs get reclaimed and hold no meaning as all the pain gets stripped away. I would change songs for our kid to listen to on long rides, since I was known for speeding and Rey stopped allowing me to drive unless it was an emergency whenever we had a child in the car. Thankfully we didn't get twins and I couldn't help but wonder if it would that have made things worse and what moron had thought that children help a marriage?

Rey had an affair. 

I had an affair to follow.

We just stopped talking to each other about them. In the beginning it was all about honesty, hurt, jealousy and eventually we stopped sleeping with each other. 

But I got bored too quickly, while Rey had a full-time lover. I wondered if it was easier for her, because she was so pretty and still held the youthful look, while I felt old and unwanted. We were the same age. There wasn't a lot dividing us in looks if to be objective, but who is really objective and honest to themselves anyway? I got stuck taking off my shirt and Rey didn't even laugh, her head elsewhere and I knew that she didn't love me anymore. 

I asked to drive today to school, since she wasn't too fond of the other mothers especially after some woman called Phasma told her that every boy and girl should go through martial arts training at the earlier age possible, showed her a trick to prove the point and left her with a bloody nose. 

At this rate I would be the one with the custody of the child, who I wasn't even sure I loved. I wanted to be alone, but I knew that having one parent was better than none. With Rey being an orphan with no love made it no sense how she happened to be colder than I was. 

But such were the things and the nights would go on, I would keep falling off the bed and allowing myself to not be woken up until it was time for me to go to work or to drive the squirt anywhere where a parent should. 

I didn't even know how alienating a child could become, someone who was deemed innocent. Even with the dog I was closer, patting his giant head as I would watch football matches and drink beer, trying to get the kid into football, saying that we had to be something in common, because at the same time my head was a buzz these days, and I wasn't close to my own father. I remember my mother once cursed that it was all because we didn't do the right things with our parents, that if the love we gave wasn't enough, it would be the same amount we'd be given as adults from our own. 

Eventually we drove in silence, dropping Rey off first for her lover's coffee date, but I didn't care. I knew that one day we would break up and soon enough she'd move out, since we had agreed already on the division of things. She'd get the car, but at least junior would get the same room, maybe even move to his mom's crafts room which took a fair amount of space. I needed to sweeten it up for the kid somehow. 

The real blow would be my parents who scolded me for buying the wrong size of condoms on my first time and feeling the fluids far too late, then ending up with a girl who wanted to keep the child who I clearly ended up not wanting.

“Dad!” I slam the brakes suddenly, just to have a skinny ginger guy tapping on the hood of the car, screaming as my eyes widened. I stop hearing my kid screaming that we could've killed the ginger man with his son, who he had managed to push out of the way. But my breathing stops and I get out of the car. 

“Armitage?!” I exclaim, out of the car and that's when the ginger's eyes widen, then narrow down. 

“Ben?!”

“Ben?” My kid echoes and I just tell him to get back into the car. “I have school.”

“Then f- go. I'll catch up.”

“I'll catch up too.” Hux says to his own child and they both wait a while, observing the staring contest. Hux had gotten taller obviously and seemed to be mesmerized by my hair, facial hair growing far more steady and my ears hidden now. I made sure to change a lot, like a criminal. I can see Hux's hands build into fists, but he lets them loose as soon as I notice. 

“We have a lot to catch up on... Apparently.” I say and Armitage just pushes past me. 

“There's nothing I need to talk to you about, fucking criminal.” I manage to grab him by the shoulders and he grabs my hands, holding the desire to spit in my face. 

“We both know what happened, Armitage. Let's keep it that way.” Now I'm holding his wrists after a few unsuccessful attempts to make him listen. I've never seen him so furious, but he holds. This is a school parking lot after all.

A parking lot...

He should've punched me to black out, the concrete would feel like cotton candy, but nothing came. Instead he let go of my hands and we walked in silence, trying to catch up with our children. I checked his hand, to see no ring whatsoever. I wondered who the fuck even spread their legs for him. But then if someone told me that I had banged Rey to pregnancy, I wouldn't believe it either.

**Author's Note:**

> I really wanted to write a Kylux AU, since I've been toysing with canon-verse and Noah's Ark is amazing but really tough to write, but a new chapter of it will also be up soon! I'll keep my mouth shut about this one and I hope you'll enjoy it. Thank you!
> 
> For my other work, and to know why I use AO3, see here: https://graspthesanity.wordpress.com/2019/06/09/why-i-use-ao3/


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